Things Not to Say to Teenagers

There are definite reasons why I am not and never will be a politician. For one, I am an abominable liar. The second reason was driven home to me just a couple of days ago. Sometimes, especially when I'm nervous, I'll say things before I realize the full potential meaning. The words just come out, and the egg begins to bake on my suddenly-red face.

As many of you are aware, I am now about two weeks into my first teaching job. You could call my position a "filler" because I help fill in some of the scheduling gaps. I teach the sixth grade art classes, a ninth grade art class, and two tenth grade English classes. I teach in five different classrooms. So, with my newby status and weird schedule combined with my naturally-nervous temperament, it may be understandable that I have been a little flustered at one point or another.

Here is the set-up: I'm in the middle of one 10th grade English class. The students have been discussing various aspects of the book Lord of the Flies for the last two weeks. During the first part of the class's discussion, I mentioned that I had a conch shell that the other sophomore English teacher gave me. The first question that popped out of the students' mouths was, "Have you tried to blow on it?" After all, at the beginning of LOTF, Ralph blows the conch, calling the boys together and cementing his position as a leader.

Here was my thought process: "She had that conch for a while, and someone even had tried coloring on it with green marker. Ew, gross! I wouldn't put my lips to such a thing. Who knows where it's been?" I'm guessing some of you may get where this is leading.

"I wouldn't blow on anything whose full history I didn't know."

Oh, goodness. I could see the boys starting to sway back and forth in their chairs, overcome with the giggles. My brain started screaming, "Back peddle, back peddle!" There was no going back however, and I knew it would be best to just move on. So I tried.

Tried was the operative word. The classroom was muggy from the rain outside, and bodies had filled the room all day long. I was wearing a cardigan, but my face was turning red and I could feel the perspiration rising.

"Oh, goodness, it's hot." And I take off my sweater.

The laughter redoubles.

I told my teaching roommate my story after school, for which I received a resounding, "That's fantastic!" Yes, yes, but let's just say I didn't repeat the mistake when my other class asked if I had blown on the conch.